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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
My three biggest fears are mouses, wolfs & proper pluralization.
I need a hug right now also five hundred thousand dollars in cash.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Life is hard, it`s even harder when your stupid.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.