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I hope Mexico doesn`t raise the cost of Tequila to pay for this wall.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
As I was signing into my email account instead of yahoo.com I typed hayoo.com...nope, it wasn`t right but I got to thinking it would be quite appropriate, afterall, we`re trying to get someone`s attention, right?
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
Trivia - It turns out that Alexander the Great was not all that great. But in those days, nobody had the guts to call him Alexander the SO-SO
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.