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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.