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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
My girlfriend said she wasn`t impressed and felt she needed a man with at least 6 inches. So I folded it in half.
Urban Dictionary has saved me from asking so many awkward questions.
some people just need a hug...around the neck...with a rope!!
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.