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There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Before I get busy doing nothing, I am taking a 20 minute break.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
I love that little thing that you do...You know, the one where you leave.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.