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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
I wonder if Sallys parents were like "Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot."
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Pokémon means a totally different thing if your stuck in a Jamaican prison.
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
I look so young for my rage.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the hell are you doing?