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Just for kicks I posted "I won the LOTTERY" on Facebook. One girl liked it, then replied to the inbox message I sent her in 2010. *Blocked*
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.
I am creating the first ever "flavored windows". They should make some of you very happy.
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
Valentines day
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Dating Tip: If you eat a magnet and slip another magnet into your date`s drink she`ll never be able to leave you
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Royal baby was born at 8 pounds. Thats like 12 dollars.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.