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If you`re wondering about my cooking skills, I`ve been asked to bring paper towels to our family gathering.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
If money can`t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.