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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one is that happy
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.