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If it hurts when you pee, urine trouble.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
Funny how drinking 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers, and 6 shots, go down like a fat kid on a see-saw.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.