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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.
I fake my lol`s