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If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
My most frequent walk of shame is from one bathroom to the other with the plunger
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
The iPad Air is named after what`s left in your bank account when you buy one.
I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
It`s been rough today, right now I`m busy trying to lasso the tv remote with my phone charger cord.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."