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I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
The Easter Bunny doesn`t always drink, but when he does I bet it`s hopscotch.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.