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A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Just in case you are wondering ... I did not go to Jared.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
āIā before āEā especially after āPā. Mmmm pie
All shoes are technically buy one get one free.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. Iām buying a sandwich.
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
Is the "D" in Donkey Kong a typo? It should have been Monkey Kong right? These are the things that keep me up at night.
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape