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If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
A "long story" is just a short story that no one wants to tell.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.