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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
You know what’s huge in Japan? ..Sumo wrestlers. ;)
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
I need to find new reward systems besides beer and chocolate.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!
Never resist a mad impulse to do something nice for me.