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If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
My last relationship was a lot like The Notebook. It felt like it lasted forever and we both wanted to die towards the end.
How long does it usually take for a Happy Meal to start working?.... It`s been an hour.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
I’m not stealing my neighbor’s WiFi…their WiFi is trespassing into my house.
Tip of the day: When the cop asks you if you had anything to drink in the last 24 hours, do NOT ask them for the time... trust me
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
I need a new bad decision.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.