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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......
For our next trick, we should hack into North Korea`s TV system and put Jersey Shore on repeat...
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..