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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
This guy at the gym just did four sets of selfies.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn’t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.