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I don`t think I could love any person as much as I love BACON... Mmmmm Bacon...
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
If I had a dollar for every time I had a nickel.......
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?