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If your job title is head receiver, you know you`re doing something right.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I didn’t sign up for the 401k at work, because there’s no way I can run that far.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
High fiving was the original "like".
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
Whoever said "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" has obviously never been hit with a dictionary.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
I say the things better left unsaid.
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.