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Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
My mother is the strongest woman I know. You should see how far she could throw a shoe.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.