Daily Silly Status

I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??

I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.

Please don’t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I’m awesome doesn’t mean I like you.

I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!

If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.

Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.

Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.

My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...

That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"

I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”

Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.

I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.

Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"

If the breakfast club took place now, all those kids would just be silently texting about their sh!tty Saturday & never make friends w/ each other.

Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever....