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Easy baked macaroni and cheese recipe: Boil macaroni in water.... follow the rest of the instructions on box. TADA!
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I was halfway to the state line before I realized the sirens were part of the song that was playing
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
Not all country music is terrible. If you can get past the lyrics about trucks, mud, farms and cows... It`s actually not too bad.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.