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Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I took a poll recently, and 100% of strippers were angry they had nothing to dance on.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
Sometimes, my greatest accomplishment is just keeping my mouth shut.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.