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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
why are the foods you want eat late at night in loud crackling wrappers?
This post is just for you.
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
You could pleasure me just by walking away.