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Today: I`m going to be understanding, productive, and nice. WHAT? Stop laughing! I`m serious!
Does this status update make me look fat?
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Wow, I thought “flash mob” meant something completely different. Can someone come bail me out?
I`m just wondering what the employees at the Weather Channel make small talk about.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
It truly bothers me how many people would marry someone just for their money. Because I`m trying to do that & you`re lowering my chances.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?