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Never trust a skinny chef
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Being single is the worst sh!t ever. Being in a relationship is a close second.
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
To whoever said “fight fire with fire”: do you actually test your own advice before giving it?
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?