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I can`t wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
Cars should come with two horns: one that’s like “Hey guys!” & another that’s like “I will end you!”
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.