Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why I don’t like people: 1% logical reasons. 99% just because.
Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
My mom likes playing this game called `yell from four rooms away and get upset when I can`t hear her`.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
I`m going to clean my house today and by clean I mean I`m drinking vodka and spraying Febreze everywhere.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."