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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
Receptionist: "The doctor will see you now." Invisible Man: "Finally, a cure!"
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
My 6 year old has already asked me 4,327 questions this morning. I`m seriously considering getting another Vasectomy just to be safe.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
he who laughs last thinks slow
Do good masochists go to heaven, or hell?
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?