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Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Everything I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten... if you poop your pants they let you go home.
Don`t kiss behind the garden . Love is blind but the neighbors are not :P
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
The less you know, the more you think you do.