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I wish my mind had a delete button.
What happens in Vegas never happens to me.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I sometimes ask myself, "What would Jesus do?", and then I think, Jesus wouldn`t be caught up in this sh*t.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
If you see me laughing like a crazy person, think nothing of it ..it`s just the voices in my head telling me jokes!
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.