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You know your fat when you sit in the bath tub and the water in the toilet rises.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
Morning workout: Turn on treadmill. Untangle headphones for 14 minutes. Get frustrated, leave and eat doughnuts.
Driving isn`t even in the top 5 things I`m thinking about when I`m driving.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
Be the type of gentleman that holds the door open for your girl, but smacks her ass as she walks in.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.