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Working from home means I save money on train tickets and pants, but spend more on vodka and pizza.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
It is literally impossible to prove that Harry Potter wasn`t just in his parents basement on acid the whole time
went to see the conjuring, and now there`s 10 crosses, four bibles, and a poster of Chuck Norris in my room.
If you think your having a bad day ... You could be digging your own grave at gun point and find buried treasure.
I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
Some of my best memories are naps.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
and alcohol are now friends.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?