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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
I`m scared of the pesticides on this produce, so I guess I`ll run them under cold water for half a second
You`re the kind of friend I text when I`m pooping and need something to do.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
Chip clips are for quitters.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"