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If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
Based on how I react when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
Hand dryers are a great way to see how your hands look while skydiving.
I always wear a wedding ring when I go grocery shopping, so everyone thinks my cart full of groceries are for a family of 4 instead of just me
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.