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No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
I don’t mean to brag but when I’m at the Taco Bell drive thru placing my order, I don’t even look at the prices.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.