Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you play my day at work backwards, its about an idiot getting less and less annoying
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. ...I sure hope they let me back in Walmart.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
It`s kind of funny how as you get older, you start enjoying things that you hated as a kid, like taking naps and getting spanked.