Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
I`m going to stand outside. So, if anyone asks, I`m outstanding.
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
Ha = I didn`t find that funny. Haha = That was funny. Hahahahaha = I want to sleep with you.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
I bet the guy at the urinal next to me is now rethinking his decision to wear flip flops today.
Really disappointed to find out after laser eye surgery I am unable to burn down buildings
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
Thank God I finally found love! Its on Page 126 in the dictionary.