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Trust me, you want me medicated!!
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
If you watched a person cut a piece of wood, would that be sawed or seen?
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: To propagate authoritarianism and generate revenue for the state? Cop: ...
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I`m murdered because I don`t want him to remarry
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.