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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
Saw a midget go into a store while wearing a KKK outfit and thought... That`s a little racist.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
The awkward moment when you have 10 tabs open and cannot figure out which one the music is coming from.
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Plastic Surgery is Photoshop for people who go outside.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I don`t think the lady who just shushed a baby in the library knows how babies work
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson