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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
I`m feeling about as useful as a stoplight in Grand Theft Auto.
Sometimes when someone appears to be hailing a cab, I go up and high five their hand because you can never be too sure.
Ever get out of the shower and not remember getting a towel ready but its there anyway? You`re welcome.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often