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Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
If the wicked witch of the west melts in water ... How did she bathe?
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
People who live in bouncy castles shouldn’t throw darts.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn`t matter. It`s all good. But a Pepsi drinker...
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
If "Cops" has taught me anything it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces, they`re nothing but trouble...