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You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
When`s it gonna be the 4th of July? I feel like blowin somethin` up and not gettin` arrested.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
I know how to wink my eye in like twelve different languages.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
I would know if I was insane, the voices would tell me.
I`m super lazy today. Which is like normal lazy but I`m also wearing a cape.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?