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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Screw your recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.