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I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
If I agree with you, we would both be wrong.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
Nuclear physicists can be lots of fun. They`re often referred to as the half life of any party.
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Tequila... It`s not just for breakfast anymore...
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face