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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
Pretty much the only time I want to hear about your ex is if she`s standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I`m good.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
is wondering where noah kept woodpeckers on his ark
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
My therapist doesn`t believe in werewolves so I left my last session with more problems than when I arrived.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!