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You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
"The more the merrier!" usually means "oh, you overheard us making those plans, huh?"
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Oh, you have a brand new boyfriend? Please tell me more about how you think he`s `the one`.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
Even if you don`t pay, they`ll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them so damn often.