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Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
That`s not how I met your mother.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Marriage: an expensive way to get your laundry done for free..
Instead of presidential debates, we should just have a dance-off.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?