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Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
Like this if you can’t think of a clever status either.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Sometimes I get up really early, drink some coffee and read some awesome motivational quotes. Then I go back to bed.
What about a To-Don`t List?
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
I would like to congratulate my ex`s new boyfriend on giving up blow jobs.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.