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Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
I`m going to a wedding rehearsal this weekend. Wedding rehearsals are the only time you see someone practice making a mistake.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I`m still looking.
I`m just going to start wearing a shirt to work that says "I`m good, thanks for asking."
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up -- In 30 minutes? In 3 hours? In 9 years? No one can ever be sure.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop