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When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
Today I learned not all people are appreciative of vetriloquism. Especially my gynecologist.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
As an adult, Iām not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
You should NEVER say and I mean NEVER say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she`s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at the moment.. :|
Why do pickup truck commercials think it`s very important that I`m able to tow a plane?