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The meek shall inherit the earth. Probably because they`re the only ones who won`t complain about what we`ve done to it.
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
I like people... From a distance.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)