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Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
That awkward moment when the majority of people think your status is stupid.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
When life throws you curveballs, swing at those motherf*ckers like Stevie Wonder with a lightsaber.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.