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It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
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People that are organized are just too lazy to look for things.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
I bought 2 fish and named one, “one” and the other “two”, so when “one” dies I will still have “two”.
Celebrate Valentines Day responsibly, or you`ll be celebrating Thanksgiving in a maternity ward