Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone around me keeps telling me I`m mean ... Which is absurd ... Plus, they`re ugly.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Never trust anyone who smiles this early in the morning.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
If I agreed with you we´d both be wrong.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
Nobody wished me a happy birthday today, which isn´t surprising really, since it isn´t my birthday.
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.