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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
You don’t look like 200 likes in person.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.