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The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Awkward moment when you don’t know if you were offered gum out of generosity or if your breath stinks.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
One square left on the toilet roll and no extras in the cupboard. Well played, honey. Well played.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
They say I have a drinking problem. I say they have a problem with nudity.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.