Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
You notice how no faith-healers have stepped forward to help out with the ebola crisis in Africa......
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Now that I`m on Facebook, I can finally put that English degree I obtained to some use…
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.